The Price of a Lost Choice

The feeling is good and unbelievable light
As if I'm back eighteen, and not seventy five.
The pain is gone and I feel relief
As if what lasted for years was just that brief.
The hill is endless and I feel finally free
Being in a place that I was always afraid to see.
No voices around, just me and the wind
The colors and shades, all perfectly twined.

The sun under his brows is watching my dance
But I hardly care, changing the stance.
What was left behind was just a game of chance,
A list of lost dreams, fake friends and a failed romance.
Different thoughts come to my mind,
Dozens of places and people I never managed to find,
Pieces of memories, flashing before my eyes
A boy and a girl, playing under the sky….

Blue-bonnet flowers, interweaved with her strands
He smiles at her and takes her hands,
Saying something funny to make her laugh;
He will lose this game in her behalf,
Just to see her again in a day or two
To play in the sun, reflected in the morning dew.

Suddenly, the image fades away
And I see a man, standing on the brae.
I look at his familiar face
Take a step back and run away
As if being chased….

Was it just a vision? A trick of my imagination?
Or was I sealed for eternal damnation?
For all the sins that I committed alive,
For breaking the vows and destroying someone else's life….
For betraying the one I loved,
For choosing status over what we both deserved.
For breaking his heart, for losing mine
For all the things that I couldn't divine….

Years passed but the pain remained
If the two of us were chained,
Predestined to spent forever apart,
Just to meet in the afterlife and make a fresh start.
Thoughts are blurred, my heartbeat is gone
And the voice in my head says "I won."
And I know that my battle is lost,
He came to have revenge, whatever it costs….

From The Blurred Vortex, a poetry collection by Abhishek Leela Pandey and Diana Nixon.